it's all so fucking hilarious.
that's actually a line from "road to perdition." it took me forever to figure out where it was from.anyway. the hilarity. what is all so hilarious, my friends, are relationships. it seems as though very many people i know are going through hard times. people at work, people at home (chicago and st. louis), my siblings, my parents, my friends, my everyone, and just people i know are all going through some weird love times. it makes me think a lot about marriage. and not in the "marriage is scary" way, but in the "marriage is just work" way.
it's becoming more and more clear to me that marriage is not love. i mean, in the beginning it is. in the beginning it's all candy skies and birds chirping and making out. but eventually that all stops, because making out with the same person can only be new and exciting for so long. then you have to start working. marriage is work.
basically, you grow up. and so does your spouse. thinking that, at the age of 26, you're going to love this person in 50 years the same way you do now is pretty ridiculous. because you won't even be the same people. marriage isn't falling in love, marriage is a decision. this is you promising that no matter what, you will stay with this person forever. all that love jive gets tangled up so that when people realize they aren't really in love anymore, they think it's over. but it's not. it shouldn't be anyway. you may not be head over heels anymore (let's face it, you do not look the same way you did at 26 and you've probably gained some strong opinions since then, too), but you still made a promise.
what i'm trying to say is that i'm slowly coming to realize that marriage is just that, it's a promise. it's picking the one person who you know you can live with for the rest of your life. not necessarily love the rest of yor life, but live with and share with and hold hands with. why do you think arranged marriages work so well? because it's not a choice, really. it's two people who have to do something so they make it work. you just have to try.
this might sound like i'm saying, "marriage is settling." it's not. you don't have to marry me if you don't want to. but if you get married, you have to realize what you're really saying. you're really saying that right now i love you, and i'm okay with the fact that we'll be different a long time from now, but i'm willing to grow old with you. who knows, if you're lucky, and you work with and understand your spouses growing needs and wants, you'll stay in a growing and changing kind of love that you never had when you were 24.
maybe then, you'll be like the old couples we all see and envy who still walk down the street holding hands.
love, kate
posted by kate @ 12:16 AM
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