there's nothing that will make you lose your faith in humankind than helping people with their utility bills. for two weeks i've been volunteering at the red cross because their warm neighbor funding has started. people come up with all kinds of lies trying to get the help saying that they weren't informed that they needed such and such a document before we could help them. the reason this is a lie? because we've been answering our phones which are ringing off the hook, for the past three weeks explaining to a million of people a day what they need to bring in. then, when you pay $100 of their $300 electric bill, they aren't satisfied: they thought we were paying all of it.
i have a habit of trusting people. i like to believe what they are saying and i like to try and help them however i can. some people in this office make me cringe the way they are so blunt and direct and unapologizing on the phone, but i've come to realize that it's just the way you have to be. yes, some people are telling the truth, but, honestly, most of the aren't. i've found myself taking responsibility for the fact that they can't pay their bill. but it's their fault. you have to take responsiblity for your bills, goodness knows i've been there.
it's sad that i have to start be harder on these people. not yelling and being totally rude to them, but harder in a sense that i can't take their bullshit. it's sad that most of them are full of bullshit.
back and forth.
i went to chicago this past week. i worked with
joe on his new film project, LOL, and it was fun to be doing something creative again. i didn't meet up with 4 of the people i had planned on meeting up with, and i feel bad, but i had to move my stuff, my legs hurt, and my cough was killing me. sorry guys.
it was a strange sensation to be in chicago. i found myself loving the city again and feeling how i must have felt when i first moved there. hopeful and full of possibility. it's hard to live with a parent again, and i definitely miss the life and friends i'd made for myself up there. i know i made the right decision by moving back, or at least away, for a while, but a big part of me still lives in chicago. by living there and leaving there, i realize that maybe chicago isn't for me, but neither is collinsville.
i was having a discussion with a close friend of mine, and he said i needed a passion. we had this conversation over a week ago, but i can't stop thinking about it. i don't have anything that i truly love and feel strongly about. working for the red cross came close, and volunteering at the art institute came the closest. i'm ready for my job to start full-time, and to get back in school. i'm ready to feel passionate about something now.
