boom! kate winchester. crash!
to all of you who don't know- i wrecked my truck. christmas morning around 4:45am. i was 4 miles from my apartment here in chicago. you probably know all the details because it seems i've been telling everyone. it's no big deal, we'll see if bbkat #2 can pull through. and i'm safe! no one was hurt, and nothing else matters.
in other news: i got a new fish! my older brother got him for me for christmas and named him mainframe. he is tiny, but he seems pretty badass. i dunno, we'll have to wait and see. obviously there is no replacing computer. no way. but this fish definitely has good potential to be his own type of badass. and i like that he's tiny. it means i'll help him grow nice and big and then he'll be ready to kick all kinds of butt. computer might have been kind of small when i got him. yeah, mainframe and i are gonna do alright. unfortunately, i had to leave him back in st. louis because i couldn't bring him home on the plane. i'm sure high altitudes are not so good for fish....es. is it fish or fishes? i think it's fish.
i did me some walkin today in me new boots. they are super sweet. this whole truck wreckage has left our tiny family with no auto, so things will be a little tricky until one of us gets a car. until then, maybe someone with a car can help us get around.
so now i wait for my ultra cool roommate to call me so we can go grocery shopping. i have no food because i thought to myself, "eh, i'll just eat what's left of my food and then go shopping after christmas." note: if you are a fish or truck, maybe stay away from me?
i think this entry kinda blows.
love, kate
fa la la blah blah
i hate to say that i somewhat stole this post's title from my
husband. i'm sorry honey, i just love you so much.
it's christmas eve. early christmas eve to be exact. i was up late because our power blew again. our apartment is old, so if we run too many heat-creating objects running at once, we blow a fuse. for example, today two small space heaters and my hairdryer managed to blow our second fuse in a week. we've decided not to tell our landlord which i think is best. thus begins the dance called, "is your space heater on? ok, can you turn it off for a few minutes while i microwave my oatmeal?" it's going to be tricky, but if we keep blowing fuses, we'll cause some serious damage. anyway, this all left me and shannon driving to jewel-osco at 2 in the morning because it was the only place open that had fuses. it wasn't so bad.
did i say "fuse" a lot or was it just me?
then, kris left for the airport around 5am and i heard she and shannon and also our friend stef in the kitchen getting ready to leave. this i am glad of because i was afraid i'd miss telling kris goodbye. i won't see her for so long! boo. i woke up and said goodbye and now i just can't get back to sleep. so i blog. and poor shannon, she's been up all night finishing christmas stuff and she's decided to just stay awake until work in the morning. now we're sitting in our rooms burning each other CDs. i burned mars volta, houston, and the life and times for her. i can't wait to get my CDs from her. this is what we do. this is why we're in love.
and the day's just started!
merry christmas.
love, kate
new post.
i'm doing pretty okay without computer around, even though i do miss him really bad. his bowl is in the living room, so i see it sometimes and it makes me sad. it's really surprising to me how much i miss that fish. he was so cool. people have been really nice and supportive of his death, too. computer was great. his name was computer, for crying out loud. the only way he would have been cooler is if his name was sir computer. but he wasn't british nor did he give a crap about being some jerk knight. he had better things to do.
i take it back, nothing could have made him better.
the power went out in my room and in kris's room. it was way strange. and frustrating. turns out we totally could have fixed it ourselves, but we didn't really know what we were doing. it's best that the electrician came. plus, with the power out in our rooms, shannon, kris, and i all spent some hard core quality time together on sunday. and we cleaned the kitchen! would this have happened if we'd had power? i'm here to tell you that no, no it wouldn't have.
love, kate
computer forever.
dear computer,
well, i guess this is it buddy. i hope you had a good time while you lived with me. i tried to take care of you the best i could. i hope moving you all around to and from school and also chicago didn't upset you too much. you were totally strong though, everytime i told you i was about to take you in the car, you looked at me as if to say, "psh, bring it."
everyone who knew you loved you, too. dad took care of you while i was in cleveland last summer, even though he gave you too much food and made your water dirty. aunt kris loved taking care of you while i was gone for weekends. even shannon thought you were the toughest, her church group too! you were a badass fish, and we love you.
i miss you buddy. you were my special guy. but you hung on until the end, and it just shows me how tough and rock solid you were. sigh. i miss you, i miss talking to you. i hope you like where you are now.
i love you computer. keep on rockin' buddy.
love, kate
it's almost thursday.
thank you
superMike. my baby is all better and virus free. did you guys know there are virus-type things called 'trojan horses'? man, if something is going to knock your computer on its ass, it's a trojan horse. thinking about it makes me scared to sleep with the lights off.
i'm still very unsettled with the idea of using this blog/journal/online peek into the life of me. i'd much rather just write in my real journal, the one that will be around forever and when i'm 45 and read it, i can say, "holy crap." i fully intend on deleting this entire blog one day. just entirely. one day i'll realize i haven't updated it in months and no one reads it anymore and i'll probably have forgotten about it until someone says, "yeah, that blog...?" then it's *clickclak*. deleted. until then, i'm trying to be kate about writing in a blog and do my whole "this is now" type justification, and it works for the most part. it just bugs me sometimes that i've fallen into the online trap and that i won't put anything really worth reading in here. but i like doing writing to you guys. it's hard to explain.
so i try to just write little thoughts that i have in my head that i know i'll never actually write down in my journal, even though i like to think i will. and also a big part of me (and any other blogger out there) likes to write stuff for people to see. this is as close to being published as most of us will ever get. it's also the vouyerist in us all- reading about other people. writing in a blog is also the closest to being a peeping tom as most of us will ever get. we all love knowing what someone else is doing and thinking. it's why we all perk up when someone from work got fired or your aunt got hepatitis. only i know that you know what i'm doing whereas peeping toms are hidden. and perverts. anyway, i want people to be interested in what i'm doing and what i have to say. knowing people read this blog is like giving yourself the satisfaction of being interesting. does that make sense? basically, we want people to know what we're doing, and what we think about it. because, sometimes, in real life, people don't want to listen.
it's sad, really.
love (me), kate
now i'm sick.
well, not me personally. my baby. my lil guy. my computer. not my fish, but my actual computer. last night a friend IMed me saying i have a virus. i really shouldn't be on here right now, i'm probably killing all of your hard drives, but it's me, so it's cool. right? right?!
i do feel very unprepared for this. we all know how computer literate i'm not, so what do i do? i've called for the help of superMike to assist me, but i haven't heard back from him yet. i'm sure he'll help because if he doesn't, well, we all know what happens then. namely, i kill him.
so this virus is apparently transmitted by AIM or something like that. it's not a serious virus, but i guess that's probably an oxymoron. i'm just a moron. really, all i know my computer for is emailing, saving pictures, and playing internet checkers... and i haven't even played in a couple weeks. this is another step towards me learning how to be a big girl in the computer world.
until then, however, someone is going to have to hold my hand crossing the street.
love, kate
is irony the right word?
just a little tidbit to hold you over until my next long entry:
i'm walking from the monroe stop to work the other day, and who do i see on the street? that damn bum from the laundromat! i didn't see his face, but i could tell by the way he hunched his back and shuffled his feet that it was him. those worn shoes he had and that messenger bag he carried. he was crossing the street away from me and my jaw dropped. i just stared at him.
now i ask you. i can see that bum 10 miles away from where i first saw him- mind you, he has to walk everywhere and it's total coincidence- but i can't see one of the dozens of hot subway train guys out and about? they have to take the same train every once in a while, right?
i mean really. what a slap in the face. stupid destiny.
hmph, kate
laundry in the city.
last night i went to the laundromat. i've been there a dozen times before, crowded and not crowded, daytime, nighttime. every trip has been more or less a success- no long waits for a dryer, no clothes bleached from something weird left in the washing machine, nothing. but last night was weird. real weird.
first let me say that at the restaurant where i work, a lot of homeless people will come in and bum off people for leftovers or money. sometimes they steal our tip jars. but this happens twice, maybe three times a week. the stealing thing maybe once a month. everytime a manager will politely ask them to leave and make sure they actually do. well, last night at the laundromat, there was a bum. this really creepy guy who didn't look dirty or anything, but he must have been drunk or on something or both. but he kept wandering around picking up little bits of paper or trash that he thought was worth keeping. then he'd leave. then he'd come back. once, he asked the owner for the key to the bathroom. she told him no, it was only for customers. they knew he was a bum but they just kept letting him walk around.
i was sitting on a bench reading that stupid dave eggers book (i'm trying my damndest to finish it so i can read the new chuck palahniuk). i was ignoring him pretty sucessfully until he came up and sat next to me. alright. fine. he didn't smell or ask me for something or anything, so whatever. (do i sound like a bitch? i feel like i do. screw you.) then he got up and left. (i'm sorry! take me back.) but then he came back inside. he did this several times. at one point, during a particularly rowdy latino song from the jukebox, he started swaying. this was before he sat next to me.
then, an old woman with weird issues on where to put blush on her face sat down on the other side of the bench from me. it was enough room between us that if someone were to sit there, it would have felt like a violation of personal space. especially when there were plenty of other places to sit. so he sits right in between us. he pulls out a tupperware container full of some kind of liquid and drinks from it. at one point he put a santa hat on. the last straw was when he stood up and started swaying or stretching or something. whatever he was doing brought his body pretty close to my face. why was i being polite and staying there? this is when i went to lean against my washing machine. this guy sucked. ask him to leave!
it was made up for later on, however, when the cutest little girl, at most 3 years old, put on her sister's headphones and was singing beyonce's "crazy in love." it was even cuter when i recognized what she was singing. then she sang "baby boy." good lord, was it adorable. and beyonce rulz. her brother (the little girl, not beyonce. beyonce has a little sister named salon. i don't know if she has a brother. i'll find out and tell you), who was maybe 7 or 8, ran around the corner and jerked the headphones off of her ears on accident. she freaked out the way 3 year olds do, quietly but with an extreme look of pain and a small shout that makes it seem like they're about to cry. but they're not. they're just letting you know they're pissed.
i would too if someone were to steal my beyonce away from me.
love, kate
the subway. the boys.
the glorius glorius subway. everyday there is at least one man of my dreams that enters my life for two, maybe three stops before he exits and i'm left alone again. he'll breeze in right through those sliding doors. "doors opening. grand is next." or maybe we'll even be at the same station and we get on the same car. of course he's following me. he loves me. clearly. there's eye contact. there's electricity. we both know we were meant for each other. this train story will be great to tell our kids about at the dinner table one day.
but then one of us gets off the train. ...it's usually me. i'm always ruining things.
ok, well, this is almost true. most likely, the train station smells like urine. i can't even see the people who are also waiting for the train because the wind has my hair all over my face and my gloves are too big for me to effectively push my hair out of my eyes. the same car thing is sheer accident. if i'm lucky, i'll glimpse at him and embarass the both of us to see that he was glimpsing the same way. there is no more eye contact the rest of the ride. the only electricity is the sparks flying off the rails. i get off the train and go to work where another boy will make my life miserable. but he'll get off the train where his girlfriend is probably waiting for him. or his kids. or his mom. (i have this thing for 15 year old boys.)
it's not so bad though. if i'm getting off at chicago, it means i'll be home soon. and my roommates (if i'm really lucky, they'll both be there) will say hi to me and be happy to see me and mean it. they'll ask me how my day was and be concerned if it was bad. if i'm blue, they'll make me feel better. if they're blue, i'm extra glad to be home so that i can start to make them feel better. then we'll run errands together or sit in each other's room talking about their boyfriends. or the hot guys they saw on the train today. (i don't care who you are, relationship or no, you always see someone hot on the train and the same scenario i just played out for you goes through your head.)
bottom line, it's always nice to have a fantasy. i will never ever talk to or become involved with someone i meet on the train. it's just a little game that's fun to play in your head. because what if they
actually came over and talked to you? or if you both ended up going the same place? one time that actually did happen to me. he came into work a few minutes after i'd gotten there and i recognized him from the train that morning. he had a weird name that started with M. ...and i don't think i've seen him again... but it was awesome, and it's the closest i've gotten to my fantasy coming true.
but... eh. they normally always have headphones on anyway.
love, kate
tell the weather i said i was scared.
it's chicago. and it's december. i just gave you shivers, didn't i? you were just thinking about how cold it is up here, didn't you? well warm up people, it's not that cold here.
yet.
this lack of sheer freezingness is giving me false hope. i think to myself, "oh. well. people must have just really overexaggerrated how cold chicago gets." yes it does get windy (more about idiots who talk about the wind later), but right now, it's just not that cold. walking to the subway in the morning is chilly, but afterwards it's not so bad. i want utter and bitter cold. i want the rumors i've heard to come shouting down at me and make me go, "oh holy hell it's cold out here."
i do have faith that the chicago winter will get the best of me. one day i'll get knocked on my ass by the cold, sans windchill. st louis was cold, but now i'm four hours north. by a
lake. i keep forgetting that things don't usually freeze up hardcore until januaryish. the midwest sucks.
but on to the wind. the wind will take your fucking breath away. windy city, hello. people come into the store all the time with red noses and say, "it's not the cold, it's the
wind." i want to throw a cup at their head. yes i know it's the wind you asshole. it's chicago. is this not what we're known for? shut up and go to another cashier. chicagoans need to start having an unspoken understanding that whenever you see someone coming in from outside, they aren't freezing their ass off because of the cold, but yes because of the wind. i know it. i understand. people at work get it. everyone i've mentioned this to gets it. who are these jerks that keep telling me about the wind? move to another city.
and now i go out in the cold and the wind and face the idiots of this city.
love, kate
man, i just don't know.
so people, let's have a bit of an ode here today, shall we? ode topic: betty. betsy. bets. goddamn is that girl funny. reading her blog (find it on my links. go there. read it. love it.) always always makes me laugh. not only that, but it makes me miss her. betsy i love you. let's never be apart.
in other news: has anyone figured out the process of filing for insurance? is filing even the correct word? good lord is it confusing. all kinds of worthless terms and being transferred at least five times before you can even ask your question when you call the hotline. not only that, but it's scary. for example, "so... if i check this box thennn... i
won't be allowed to get my arm resewn if it's cut off? but this other box means that i can go to an out of state doctor? ...what about my ovaries?"
seriously. what the fuck.
but, it's sad to say, i can't really talk to anyone about it other than my parents or bosses because i'm the first one of my friends to get insurance. ha, eat that suckers!
oh really? what do you do, kate?
um, i'm a commando at a fancy coffeeshop in chicago. i have a college degree.
yeah? in what?
film.
-slight pause-
man, you are just useless all around, aren't you?
-my own gun going off into my own head-
betsy rulz.
love, kate
